Monthly tabloid ‘The Atlantic’ has “talked with voice experts” about why they say men don’t like to hear Hillary speak.  The answer: It’s Science. Much like the relation between hand and genital size, the pitch of our lady talk can have a shrinking effect, making them anxious and afraid. Some reported crying themselves to sleep after viewing Hillary’s nomination speech. We can help by being sensitive to their needs, and following a few simple rules:

– Speak softly, in a melodic tone when making requests like ‘File this report’, ‘Smile!’, or ‘Get me a beer.’

– Use robust hand gestures to convey your thoughts and feelings.

– Questions are best asked in sing-song.

– Sharing kitten memes mid conversation provides comfort, reminds them of bedtime stories and simpler days.

– Facial expressions alone can indicate boredom.

– Modulate the bass and treble in home sound systems to get them used to the new order of things.

– Never yell. Pretend they’re invisible instead.

The experts were not asked to comment on the widespread phenomena of people muting their TV’s during broadcasts of Donald Trump rallies. Presumably, it was unrelated to the sounds coming from his mouth. 

‘The Atlantic’ earned its current reputation in journalism in 2008, when it featured Britney Spears on the cover, instead of the Woman Who Would Be President, Hillary Rodham Clinton, causing sales to plummet.  Then editor, James Bennet, is now the Opinion Page Editor at the NY Times.

From The Atlantic article: 

“Commentators often criticize Hillary Clinton of having a loud, shrill, and monotone voice. We spoke to voice experts to understand the science behind what makes her voice allegedly more annoying than her competitors.”